Want to know what the breath meditation does?

At the end of the interview, which is both inspiring and scientific, there is a breathing exercise that gives a taste of what is possible, with some practice and passion. I’ve only experienced the real effect once during my meditation retreat at the Sunshine Coast – out of this world – and the promise of a biological upgrade that is anti-aging, anti-viral, anti-fungal, anti-cancer, anti-microbial …  keeps me practicing.


Emotional Cancer Recovery

Bradley has done the chemo therapy, immuno therapy and everything his doctors threw at his ‘unsexy’ cancer, before and after it spread and metastasized, which was supposed to give him a max. of 12 months to live. He explains so well, how Dr. Joe Dispenza’s meditation worked on him and completely eliminated any cancer in his body.

What an inspiring story. Although I am still on the chemo-immuno trail – and admit that it has so far reduced the spleen and normalized any enlarged lymph nodes, I will keep up the daily meditations, especially during the 5-hour treatments (immuno and chemo) that I’ll be facing twice this coming week, on Wednesday and Thursday.

I don’t know if these meditations have helped me to have no side-effects to my treatments – or if there are other reasons, but it doesn’t really matter. My haematologist would strongly disagree with my theory – not that it matters.

Enjoying the sun, long walks, my morning swim in Toowoon and healthy food here at the Entrance, I secretly am building a bit of an immune system, which was evident, as my cold cleared up as quickly as my conjunctivitis, within a few days.

Three chemo-immuno treatments later

I think deep down I always suspected that I am having to face ALL my fears, chemotherapy being on top of that list.

The mix of bendamustine and obintuzumab was chosen by my haematologist, who seems to know his stuff, what drugs are concerned. However, don’t ask him anything else. Josef, who couldn’t help himself, asked about diet and if it was best to avoid sugar, to which the reply “We all know, sugar isn’t good for our teeth, but has no effect on cancer” didn’t lift my confidence in getting a holistic picture.

The second question to Dr. Tasman, regarding stress and cancer was also denied wholeheartedly. Cancer, we were told, had nothing at all to do with stress. It’s the reversal of two chromosomes that just happen in some people – inexplicably and without provocation. Well, we can all have our own opinions, there was no reason to give him my opposing view.

I very briefly investigated the drugs, but Dr. Google was giving  the worst case scenarios and I decided to not open that can of worms. From Dr. Joe Dispenza I had learned that we are creating our realities and if I had so successfully created cancer, I now had to do my very best to see these drugs as bullets of pure light and love, having no negative side effects at all, just reducing the bulk of my spleen and liver. It seems to work so far – I feel absolutely fine, especially with the chemotherapy IV. Maybe the 2-day fast beforehand helped, but not sure. The immunotherapy takes a minimum of three hours, with me five, as I don’t feel too well, when it’s sped up.

So all in all, even that fear is disappearing – as slowly and surely as my big belly.

Help from the Universe!?

Well, today is Saturday – four more sleeps until the chemotherapy. It has been shifted from Monday 13/5 to Wednesday 15/5 and a second round on Thursday. Day one will be a marathon of six hours (but they feed you with biscuits, jellybeans and sandwiches!) and Thursday only takes 90 minutes, I was told by my nice haematologist. Yes, he is nice but feeding me with the same information as most other doctors, oncologists and haematologists I had talked to: Sugar has no effect on cancer,

Stress or traumas have never caused cancer,

Cancer is just bad luck, eat and drink and work whatever you feel like… and whatever you do, don’t build up your immune system!

I had the crazy idea that it may be good to have a Vitamin C injection to build up my immune system a week after the chemo to prevent me from getting any infections, which is the only real danger to my existence, they said. Now I was very much discouraged from that: ‘We are putting free radicals into your body, why would you add antioxidants to counteract the effect? We don’t want you to have a good immune system!’ Wow, I am learning so much.

Apart from getting a cute survival bag with thermometer, hand creams and jelly beans, I was also given a 7 page list of possible side effects, like fatigue, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea or constipation…and above all to never go beyond 38 degree fever as there is no immune system to fight any illness.

So I thought I put it to the Universe to see what I can contribute to minimize the side effects. Josef of all people gave me a hint today. A good friend of his suggested to check out the research on a two day water fast prior to the chemotherapy. I did that and it sounds so logical to me: when you fast, healthy cells put a protective layer around to prevent starvation, while cancer cells don’t do that at all. So the toxins from the chemo get gobbled up mainly by the cancer cells and have a harder time to crack the healthy ones that have shielded themselves.

Now what do you think of that?

I want to also thank the many beautiful friends who have written such kind messages, promising support, prayers and sending loving thoughts. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I love you!




I’ve realized that it has been ages since my last update – and the more there is to tell, the harder for me to know where to start.

In March my health deteriorated:

Protein levels very low (I lost muscle and looked a bit too skinny), Calcium levels very high, edema in my legs (the feet and legs up to my knees were swelling), no stamina so every few steps I stopped to catch my breath. Even I got a bit concerned.

My doctor friends sent alarm waves and blood test prescriptions out, I was hospitalized for a couple of days, put on steroids and on a chemo list. Luckily I found a wonderful haematologist in Gosford, who fully understood that I simply have to go to the Dr. Joe Dispenza meditation retreat beforehand.

The retreat finished on May 3 and although it hasn’t brought a miraculous healing (which it did for quite a number of other participants), it really opened my mind to meditation on a high level, mystical experiences, new realizations and the allowing of other interventions that I wasn’t previously open to… like chemotherapy.

Having been asked eight times (!!!!) when the baby is due, or if I knew whether it’s a boy or a girl – or how very brave I am for walking 10 metres above ground on a tightrope (which by the way was the scariest experience of my life) while being pregnant, I came to the realization that I need to do something drastic to reduce that belly.

My intention now is to use everything I have learned during that week with Dr. Joe Dispenza to put a positive spin on that immunotherapy & chemo mix, to see it like an elixir of life, designed to impart unlimited powers and potential… instead of being scared ‘shitless’ .  One day after Mother’s Day, my magical chair is booked (Monday 13 May). Keep me in your prayers or send loving thoughts my way,  please!

Faith healer

Do you know what a ‘Wunderheiler’ is? Well, Austria happens to have its fair share of healers and one of them came highly recommended for a distant healing. So I called Max in Austria about four days ago – and after referring back to his ‘higher authority’ he got the green light to do a healing on me. I was instructed to hold both hands below my knees and was asked what I felt. It was intriguing because my hands starting to throb after I had negotiated that I can’t hold the phone in one hand and after 5 minutes it stopped. I told Max that I’ve really felt that strongly and he asked me to repeat this rather simple exercise every day at 21:00 (Austrian time), which is 7 am here. Easy, always at the beach, I sat down in the sand at 7 and repeated the holding knees from below… and interestingly, I always knew when it was finished, as my hands would almost fall away, while before they seemed almost pinned to my knees.

Not sure if I feel different yet, but it’s early days. In any case, it didn’t damage any organs and aided my current exercise to feel myself fully into the present moment.

Not easy, being mindful and present.

My epiphany

Not that this is new to anyone, or me for that matter – but I simply had not practiced it:

One morning during my meditation it just came up and it became really clear to me:

I have to stop checking on progress! I had measured my belly size, the size of my spleen and any lymph node I could feel and then use the good or bad news as yardstick if my meditation and diet had been a success or not. How ridiculous! I had been actively creating a new body, a new mind and a stress-free self, just to go back to the old model to see how big the gap still was.

That was on Tuesday and I haven’t checked a thing since. In my mind, it’s gone and I am healed. You may think it’s ignoring the status quo, or putting my head in the sand … but I believe it’s perfect to put my mind on a future I want rather than accepting a body that is the result of past stress, and then keep confirming it on a daily basis.

That Tuesday I happened to come across this Q&A segment with Dr. Joe, where he explains it very eloquently: If you are checking for change or improvement you are not fully engaged in the process and you are not becoming the change you want to see.  You will become discouraged, your energy drops  and you are waltzing between the old and the new field. Matter won’t be able to change matter: only energy can do that.

In his own work, healing his spinal injury, he worked on being more and more present with the intelligence inside of him, creating a relationship with the healer within, who did the healing on him.