Insight into my cancer diagnosis

hand and butterfly

When you consider that we are 99.9 % empty space and less 0.1 % matter, I have been spending an awful lot of time and energy and food awareness on that small percentage of matter. Lately I have asked myself “What is really behind this diagnosis?” If cancer is merely a messenger of some imbalance in my body or life or environment, what have I missed? Can the cancer go if and when I have solved that puzzle?

Well, the other day, out of the blue, while I was making my bed, one of the answers hit me: Memories flooded in of times and circumstances going back my entire life. Memories of moments when I wouldn’t allow myself to indulge in luxuries, follow my dreams or allow myself the freedom of choice. All of these memories had one component in common: ‘If I had cancer, I would do it!’  When I was a young adult, I had thought how cool it would be to go on a road trip with some girlfriends, without a fixed agenda, just jumping into a sports-car with the roof open – of course that’s just a dream and you’d only do that if you had cancer (which at that time meant I wouldn’t have much time left to live).

Later on I had the dream of walking the Camino (all of it, for about five weeks by myself). I knew that it wouldn’t be a popular decision, rather seen as selfish and ‘you’d only do that if you had cancer’… you get the picture.

These are not conscious decisions or things you’d really want to attract, but they are running in the subconscious nevertheless. We all know how powerful the subconscious is.

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3 comments on “Insight into my cancer diagnosis

  1. What an awesome insight Barbara. You are right, we really don’t know the full power of our subconscious and that seemingly space until you are brought face to face with it. What amazing beings we are. I so appreciate you sharing your experience.
    I’m in the process of selling my house and was told that the next person would knock it down to build a new one. Suddenly all the preciousness and trying to keep things ‘just so’ was blown away. I became aware of the impermanence of it all, accompanied with the enormous energy of freedom, creativity and joy of just going for what I want.
    The same paradigm has burst through my business and art.
    And now you, my dear friend, have this shared this idea with incredible clarity and a sense of urgency for us all to wake up, trust, let go and embrace life to it’s fullest.
    You are leading the way. We’ll do it. Thank you for all you are.
    Much love, Charmaine

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