Loving my Cancer to Death

When I signed up to watch the 9-part documentary, called ‘the Truth About Cancer’  (starting on Wednesday, 14/10) several weeks ago, I had no idea that I will be watching this from a different perspective.

On Monday, October 12, 2015, I sat in the office of my GP Raymond, a lovely medico and friend, who looked up from reading the report of my first ever CT-Scan with a highly concerned look, telling me gently “the news isn’t good, Barbara. You have lymphoma, which is a type of blood cancer.” He continued to tell me the ‘good news’ that my type of cancer responds well to chemotherapy and that Delta Goodrem had the same and had chemo… I thought of how many such scenarios we see in movies – yet no cancer-movie can prepare you for actually receiving the news. I felt a slight detachment, as if I had just been asked to observe my reaction rather than feel it. “How interesting,” was my first thought. “I” of all people with my positive outlook, healthy lifestyle and having studied the subject of cancer for many, many years with great interest. I hold a ‘fictional’ PHD in Alternative Cancer Treatments!

The only reason I had even seen my GP was that my belly seemed to be getting bigger – and of course with it there was always a sense that it could be something more serious than menopause.

In the past, when I had given people an opinion on how I would behave or what I would do, if I had received the ‘bad’ news, they always cautioned me that you’d never know what you’d do when faced with the prospect of a death-sentence. Well, I didn’t feel fear, nor despair. A very calming presence came over me, a certainty that there is a higher reason for me to experience this and a sense of gratitude. I know that sounds weird, but as I am writing this retrospectively, that sense of gratitude has deepened a million times since – with so much support and love streaming in.

A very dear friend jumped into a taxi, left her job and arrived home before me to support me with her positive outlook.

My husband amazed me with unconditional support of any alternative treatment I would end up choosing.

My children only showed love and support, without judgment for not choosing the ‘traditional road/chemo trail’

I friend in New Zealand highly recommended the ‘Bio Care Hospital’ in Mexico, where her terminal ovarian cancer was treated 20 years ago.

Phone calls and tears of highly concerned friends were followed with wonderful advice of alternative or natural remedies: apricot kernels, 12 best foods to fight cancer, Alkaline Water, powerful mushrooms, supplement to strengthen the immune system, fermented food, kambucha tea.

I am constantly amazed at people’s generosity and support and offers to do healings, harmonisations, massages, Access healing, foot reflexology, aromatherapy, bush flowers and so much more. Flowers and Sauerkraut showed up on my doorstep. I am so grateful and thankful to receive it all and feel enveloped in prayers and surrounded by angels.

My first thought of a possible reason for having cancer in the first place was an underlying sense of not being worthy. I have always had a really hard time accepting compliments from others – and now I am having to learn to accept so much more.

Now, four days down the track, I can honestly say that I have not had one negative thought, feel much more present in my body and with others than I had for a long time – sense the changes and movements that happen inside my body without doing anything.

If you’d like to watch the documentary, which started on Wednesday, you may have to sign up here:



Author: Barbara Hoi

I have worked for 14 years with Dyslexic and Asperger geniuses one-on-one, founded Sydney Dyslexia and Autism Sydney, worked in Mosman and at a beach retreat at the Entrance and wrote three books on Dyslexia ('the Right Brain for the Right Time', 'Nurturing the Secret Garden' and 'Learning your Times Tables in Three Bold Steps'). I believe these children and adults have a great gift and the ability to become leaders in their field. But I have also found that a proper diet as well as educating and working together with parents, friends and teachers matters even more. I am now working with small groups at the Entrance Beach Retreat, helping dyslexic adults fulfill their professional dreams and parents to help develop and nurture their child's potential.

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